


kiss me ‘til my lips go numb, knock the breath right out of my lungs

by 171102



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Drinking, Drunk confessions, Light Angst, M/M, Rewrite, lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-06-17 16:16:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15465273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/171102/pseuds/171102
Summary: He writes someone else’s name at the bottom of the page of his love letter.It hurt him. It hurt Minghao when he spewed out a name, putting his feelings in someone else’s words.ora rewritten version of the fic i wrote entitled "Breath Taker, Heartbreaker"





	kiss me ‘til my lips go numb, knock the breath right out of my lungs

**Author's Note:**

> encourage me or hmu at my twitter (@171102alex) if you want a sequel or smth and i'll turn this into a series
> 
> also: unbeta'd bc i lost the motivation to even do so nowadays oop-

Minghao’s eyes were wet when he glances at Junhui, but he wasn’t crying, it was from all the shots they took at the party earlier, and now they’re in Junhui’s room─ sitting on Junhui’s bed to be specific.

 

Of course, they’re drunk but not enough for them to do anything ruthless, just tipsy enough to be a little braver, a little bit more daring. So Minghao only takes a moment to admire Junhui through half-lidded, dazed-out eyes because the moonlight that casts inside the room graces Junhui’s face like a touch from the heavens.

 

He was so in love.

 

Junhui looked so ethereal and so at peace, with the way his eyelashes fall atop his cheeks, that Minghao felt unworthy to even be in the same vicinity as him. But that’s the point of being drunk: to be daring enough to do this. Minghao’s fingers inch their way and touch Junhui’s but he doesn’t hold his hand, he wasn’t ready for that. Thus, Junhui’s round and pretty eyes blink open to look at him.

 

Minghao gulps, "Gē."

 

Then he feels words spill out of his mouth under a surprisingly steady breath. “H-Has anyone ever told you that you’re so breathtaking?” Minghao feels his heart flutter when his question precedes a toothy smile from the other. “People say I’m good-looking, does that count?” Junhui chuckled.

 

Soon after, the older was scratching his temple as he shrugs. “I don’t think I’ve been complimented over something remotely different from anything appearance-wise, though.” It sounded too personal and too sincere, in which Minghao thinks that’s too much trust for him to hold to be able to receive a deeper kind of honesty. He guesses that’s what alcohol can make you do.

 

“Where’d you get that idea from?” He gave Minghao a look that expressed disbelief begging to be proven otherwise.

 

Minghao’s fingers retract from their featherlike touch on Junhui’s, shying away as Minghao bashfully traces invisible circles on the other’s white sheets. “Oh, I just wondered, y’know?”

 

And Junhui shifts from his seat; now, he’s giving Minghao his full attention. “Tell me about it, then.” Minghao bites the inside of his cheek as his gaze falls upon the other but not to meet his eyes, instead, it scans the details of his dress shirt: striped and wrinkled, then slowly travelling upwards to finally look at Junhui properly.

 

Licking his lips, his mouth felt dry as he begins to entertain Junhui’s request, “Your… laugh…” he starts off. “Your laugh sounds so genuine, like how you smile and flash all of your pretty teeth. It’s so bright, like the sun… it makes everyone in the room smile as well, as if you bring light to their day. It’s so… it’s so amazing to be able to affect people just from a simple move.”

 

Now, that’s too much trust for Junhui to hold to be able to receive a piece of Minghao’s deepest thoughts but the younger can’t bring himself to stop there. Minghao blames what the alcohol’s making him do.

 

“N-Not just your laugh─ the sound of your voice─, it’s in the way you move too… the way you dance… it’s like it draws people to pay attention to you because you’re so powerful, so expressive when you dance.” Minghao takes a deep breath, feeling his heart sink at every word, at the sight of every individual hair strand that lands featherlike over the other’s forehead. The light casts a hue over Junhui’s dyed brown locks.

 

Minghao continues, “Kind… You’re so kind… too kind for your own good, even. You give too much and expect nothing in return. Wholehearted, pure... they gave you the moon and all of the stars but you put them out in the sky so they could shine for everyone else.”

 

And Minghao notices how the moon could shine so brightly past 2am; his posture loosens up a bit more. Much more relaxed, much more confident. “Little things… it’s in the little things as well. You’re… out of this world…” Minghao laughs at his cheesy choice of words. “L-Like a celestial body?… yeah, but it starts off from the moles on your face that makes you human… with just as many flaws as everyone else does but not any less lovable. It starts off with that quirky personality then to how much you like doodling little cats… everything in between and everything beyond that.” Now, it’s too confident, too sober, but Minghao doesn’t know how to prevent his feelings from surfacing.

 

“How old are we, anyway? Twenties, right? Young adults, mature college students, yet there’s this childlike aura… childlike nature radiating off of you and it is oh-so innocent and oh-so fragile because no one would ever have the heart to take away the sparkle in your eyes when they shine at the simplest of things.” Minghao doesn’t know anymore. He’s too close, too close to Junhui─ he’s a fan of breath away from kissing him and the younger can smell that tinge of booze hanging on Junhui’s clothes but Minghao’s now far from tipsy for him to put this memory in a blur of a hangover.

 

So, his heart beats a little bit faster at the sudden realization that all of this is happening: Junhui and him on the same bed sitting unbelievably close to even be considered platonic.

 

The unexpected steadiness of Minghao’s voice did not match up to the mess that starts to form in his head. “Th-There’s so much… so, so many things about you that makes you so endearing, so interesting, and so, so worth it…” Minghao’s bottom lip starts to tremble. “It’s just- you’re just so breathtaking… a-and if you think you’re just a pretty face, then you’re wrong. You’re more than that. You should start seeing that for yourself because th-that’s what I- I...”

 

Minghao’s words were clogged in his throat and he could speak no longer. He couldn’t say it, he _can’t_. He bites on his bottom lip to stop it from trembling.

 

There’s no more alcohol in his system that could give him enough courage to sign his name on the contract.

 

Then that was a piercing look from Junhui’s feline-like eyes, urging Minghao to continue. “Because what?”─the first time he spoke ever since Minghao poured his heart all over him. Junhui’s eyes blink prettily at him, “Is this a confession?”

 

Minghao panicked. The mess in his head suddenly went white and he blurted out words he didn’t know about, “Because that’s what W-Wonwoo wanted you to see, because that’s what I-… what Wonwoo loves about you.” He writes someone else’s name at the bottom of the page of his love letter.

 

It hurt him. It hurt Minghao when he spewed out a name, putting his feelings in someone else’s words.

 

Hyperaware, he catches Junhui pausing in thought, thinking how Wonwoo’s name rang a bell. “Ah, you mean that student from Class D10?” The older tips his head gingerly, in the sweetest way possible. That’s whipped culture from Minghao because his world slows down when he’s with Junhui.

 

His voice cracks in a response. “Y-Yeah, him. He-…he just didn’t… have the chance to get, um, close… get close to you.” Minghao’s gaze drops to the bed sheets, to his lap, to the floor, _anywhere_ , but he just couldn’t bear to look up anymore, so he lets his head hang low.

 

His chest tightens at the feeling of Junhui’s eyes still on him despite his sunken poise. Minghao tries to focus on something else but the ticking of the clock rings too loudly in his ears and he’s just reminded of how sober they both are at this hour now.

 

Minghao can hear Junhui breathe in a little too audibly before he says a word, “Really? I… That’s cute. I didn’t know he thought of me that way. Maybe… maybe I should give him a **s** hot─ tell him I might like him too-“

 

“NO!” It almost startled Junhui (or it did). Minghao did not mean for it to cut through but he couldn’t take it. Each syllable out of Junhui’s mouth is a slash on Minghao’s heart and it was so close to being torn apart.

 

Minghao quickly, frantically, tried to piece it back into one concrete piece at the same time composing himself. “I-I mean, no… maybe you shouldn’t b-because I… I shouldn’t even be telling you this.”

 

Junhui’s face drops and all he does next is let out a disappointed “Oh.”

 

From all the mistakes Minghao made, he shouldn’t even be taking any damage from that reaction but it did. He doesn’t know why he feels guilty for letting Junhui down because Minghao should pity himself more instead of him. So Minghao whispers, shaky and unsure, “I… he loves you, alright?”

 

The other only lets his eyelids fall at rest over his eyes: tired, and a heavy sigh was lifted out of Junhui’s chest. “…if that’s what you say,” he mumbles.

 

His eyes are closed, so Minghao takes this as an opportunity to swiftly wipe away the brimming tears in his eyes. He couldn’t handle what he had just done and the mixed up emotions that made him feel. His legs felt like jelly when he abruptly stands up, wanting to run away. The sudden loss of weight causes a shift on the bed and Junhui gently opens his eyes out of notice.

 

“I should get going.” Minghao says and his gaze darts to the analog clock on the wall, but he can’t really tell the time from how dim the room is. His words only hover over unsurely, “It’s getting late.”

 

Junhui lets his upper body collide with the mattress, his legs dangling off the edge of it, basically at the verge of passing out, so he dismisses. “Sure. Be careful on your way home,” he says in a low groan.

 

Minghao doesn’t say a thing in return; no ‘bye-bye’, no ‘thank you’, and no ‘see you on Monday’ either. He’s too caught up in the knots of his own emotions, tied down by a heavy heart that he thinks he broke from all of his mistakes.

 

Blindly searching for his bag and the other pair of his shoe, he thinks he should just forget about losing one of his rings─ he vaguely remembers which ring it was anyway, or if it was even a ring or a bracelet at that. He just wanted to get out of this place as soon as possible, so he could cry it all out in his apartment. Cry and cry and then try to piece together what the hell just happened this night in a morning hangover, try to comprehend why he made such a mistake, why all of this happened in the first place.

 

The moonlight passes through Junhui’s window and it casts a heavenly light on his sleeping figure. Perhaps the celestial bodies aligned for this dreaded event to happen and crash upon Minghao like a meteor.

 

It felt like a chapel or an angel’s haven and Minghao is in no deserving position to even be in here.

 

He admires Junhui one more time because he guesses this will be the last chance for him to be able to worship him up close. The cool complexion… perfection of Junhui’s face looked so at peace as his chest rises and falls in gentle breaths. Minghao can count every single eyelash that casts a shadow atop the other’s cheeks and god forbid him to touch, so Minghao drags his feet towards the door of the bedroom.

 

Hands are cold at the grip of the doorknob and he feels a single tear slip past his eye. This will be the last of his breath that he’ll hold inside this place and the last of where his heart has ever been whole as he’s bound to never set foot in this room ever again.

 

One last breath and one last heartbeat in this god-forsaken room.

 

Breath taker, heartbreaker.

 

 “Good night, Junhui,” he whispers like a prayer.

**Author's Note:**

> [channels smitten feelings for junhui through minghao using junhao fics]


End file.
